Part 7: The Great Bureaucratic Reforms of the Department of Feline Affairs
(Continuing in the Orwellian “Animal Farm meets Bali studio” saga.)
If Part 6 unveiled the inner workings of the Department of Feline Affairs, Part 7 exposes something even more dramatic: their reforms. Yes my four silent, ever-watchful assistants have apparently decided my studio requires “structural improvements,” and naturally, they took it upon themselves to implement them. Unilaterally. Without consultation. Classic management behaviour.
Welcome to The Reforms Era, otherwise known as:
“Everything Was Fine Until Someone Tried to Change Things.”
The Snack Tax (A Bold but Unpopular Policy)
Like any freshly minted government, the department needed revenue. So they introduced a new system:
Every snack entering the studio must be inspected, sniffed, and taxed.
The tax structure is as follows:
- High-value snacks (tuna, chicken, anything aromatic):
100% tax.
They take it all. No negotiation. - Mid-range snacks (crisps, biscuits):
40% tax, usually confiscated by Sox, who insists it’s “for administrative purposes.” - Low-interest snacks (fruit, vegetables):
Voluntary donation optional, though Uno will still inspect them for appearances before an upturned nose rejection.
This reform was pushed through without debate and passed unanimously, largely because Minky didn’t ask for a vote. She simply stared, and everyone agreed.
Mandatory Sunbeam Allocations
The department’s second reform was environmental. Apparently, sunbeams are now considered valuable natural resources requiring fair distribution.
Official policy states:
- Prime sunbeams (the warm, uninterrupted ones on the floor):
Reserved exclusively for Minky. - Secondary sunbeams (filtered through leaves or furniture):
Allocated to Uno, who doesn’t use them but occupies them symbolically. - Tertiary sunbeams (those patchy, half-shade, half-warm ones):
Given to Sox, who claims he enjoys “diffused sunlight.” - No sunbeam
This is where Stumpy often ends up not because he has been excluded, but because he prefers the shadows. Classic loner behaviour.
Legalisation of Desk-Napping
This reform caused chaos. Overnight, napping on my desk became:
- Fully permitted
- Encouraged
- And regulated only by seniority
Here’s the desk-napping roster as they drafted it:
- Minky:
Anytime. Anywhere. Especially on top of whatever i've said she can't. - Uno:
Approved between 10am–3pm, but he ignores his own schedule. - Sox:
Must ask permission from Minky (which she never grants, but he asks anyway). - Stumpy:
Allowed only during the mutual napping sessions tucked up with Uno or Minky.
The new law is plastered (metaphorically) across the studio:
“If it is soft and flat, it is nap territory.”
That includes laptops bags…. no idea why (they fight over who getsit)
Especially lounges (we have three).
AND semi-empty shelves…. after moving the tech stuff aside.
The Great Box Shortage Crisis of 2025
This reform wasn’t planned—it erupted.
It began when I brought home one single cardboard box. One. Within minutes, all four cats had declared it:
- Essential infrastructure
- A shared strategic resource
- And the new centre of studio politics
The shortage arose because:
- Minky took it as her throne
- Uno used it as a temporary office
- Sox attempted to redesign it
- Stumpy disappeared into it and refused to vacate
A crisis committee was formed instantly, though they never met, because they were all in the box.
To resolve the crisis, I introduced two more boxes… which resulted in three separate crises.
New Department Motto
After a week of reforms, a motto mysteriously emerged—scratched into my notebook during an unauthorised desk-nap session:
“All studio workers are equal, but some are more equal than others.”
I know exactly who wrote it.
I also know she wasn’t wrong.
Coming Up in Part 8…
The Department of Feline Affairs faces a new challenge:
The First Ever Productivity Review.
Expect:
- Dramatic overestimations of contribution
- Creative rewriting of KPI definitions
- Accusations of bias
- Uno disappearing during questioning
- And Minky attempting a strategic coup to take control of the review process
