Part 6: The Department of Feline Affairs
(An Orwellian “Animal Farm”-style chapter in the ongoing saga of my studio assistants.)
If you’ve been following along, you already know my four studio “assistants” take their roles very seriously. But what you may not know is that—much like any bustling workplace, my humble Bali studio has quietly transformed into something resembling a miniature bureaucracy. Except, instead of middle managers in ill-fitting shirts, we have fur, whiskers, and the kind of silent judgement only cats can deliver.
Welcome to The Department of Feline Affairs.
The Official Hierarchy (Which No One Voted On, Yet Somehow Is Binding)
Like any self-respecting empire, the structure wasn’t discussed, agreed upon, or even announced. It simply materialised, as if scribbled onto parchment by some unseen paw:
Supreme Matriarch & Director of All Things That Matter:
Minky.
No surprises here. She founded the dynasty, after all. A calm, all-seeing presence, with the kind of regal authority that says, “I’m not angry… just disappointed.” She doesn’t bark orders—she radiates them. And everyone obeys.
Senior Advisor & Wandering Auditor:
Uno.
As Minky’s younger brother (from another litter), he takes his role very seriously. Mostly. Between naps. Uno is the silent enforcer, the mysterious uncle everyone respects, even when he does absolutely nothing. He materialises at meetings no one scheduled, inspects things no one asked him to check, and then leaves without comment. Classic auditor behaviour.
Junior Associates & Probationary Agents (Indefinitely):
Stumpy and Sox.
Twin sons of Minky, born from the same litter, specialising respectively in lurking and looking innocent.
- Stumpy: The shadow. The night operative. With his classic Bali stunted tail and pitch-black fur that makes him visually optional after sunset, he has perfected the art of solitary observation. He is also, curiously, almost a behavioural clone of his uncle Uno—minus the swagger.
- Sox: The more sociable twin, marked by white paws, white whiskers, and a few white flashes on his belly—like someone smudged paint on him mid-assembly. He insists his name is spelled SOX, corporate-branding style. He is the only one who appears to have read the onboarding manual.
Onboarding, As Designed By Cats
No memo was ever issued, but the process is clear:
- Day 1: Arrive unannounced.
- Day 2: Sit behind the human. Do not explain yourself.
- Day 3: Stare. Intently.
- Day 4+: Continue staring until promoted (arbitrary timeline).
There are no forms. No HR. No training modules. SOPs are passed down telepathically and updated only during 3am zoomies.
Performance Reviews (Self-Evaluated)
- Uno: Always gives himself “Exceeds Expectations” despite only working two hours a day.
- Minky: Gives herself “N/A,” because she is above such trivialities.
- Sox: Gives himself a modest “Meets Expectations” then adds a little star sticker.
- Stumpy: Submits blank paperwork. Because mystery is part of his brand.
Office Politics (Unspoken, Yet Deafening)
- Minky holds all authority but never raises her voice.
- Uno gets away with things because he looks like he knows what he’s doing.
- Sox tries to implement new processes like “scheduled cuddle windows.”
- Stumpy ignores all meetings, yet everyone assumes he’s working on something extremely important.
And like any workplace, alliances shift, territories are negotiated, and someone is always trying to sit in the spot I just vacated—before the chair even cools.
Career Progression Pathways
If this were a corporate brochure, the progression chart would look something like:
Intern → Assistant → Senior Assistant → Nap Specialist → Director of Vibes → Feline Executive Officer (FEO)
Each cat believes they are already at least two ranks above where the others think they should be.
And Still… They Just Sit Behind Me
No fanfare.
No drama.
No claws in my leg (usually).
Just quiet attendance.
Silent mentorship.
Strategic napping.
Their presence keeps the entire “Department of Feline Affairs” running smoothly, even if no one really understands the KPIs.
Coming Up in Part 7…
The cats introduce workplace reforms, including:
- A controversial new “snack tax”
- Mandatory sunbeam allocations
- The legalisation of desk-napping
- And the Great Box Shortage Crisis of 2025
