Part 10: The Arrival of the External Consultants
(When outsiders enter the Department of Feline Affairs.)
Every closed system eventually encounters an external force. A variable it did not invite. A presence that does not understand the rules, the hierarchy, or the quiet power structures that have taken years to perfect.
In corporate language, these are called external consultants.
In the Department of Feline Affairs, they are known simply as: Visitors.
The first sign of trouble is always the same. The door opens. Footsteps. Voices that do not belong. Unusual Odors… The Department freezes.
Minky lifts her head. This is not curiosity — this is assessment. The kind that determines whether the visitor is a temporary inconvenience or a long-term problem. Uno positions himself at a distance, close enough to observe, far enough to deny involvement. Sox becomes alert, excited by novelty but unsure of its consequences. And Stumpy… Stumpy disappears, followed by Sox.
The Initial Assessment Phase
Visitors are not greeted. They are evaluated.
The Department operates on a simple framework:
• Are they loud?
• Do they move unpredictably?
• Do they smell unfamiliar?
• Do they attempt to sit in restricted zones?
Restricted zones, by the way, include:
– My chair
– The desk
– The warm spot
– Any space currently occupied
– Any space that might be occupied later
Failure to respect these zones is logged silently.
Engagement Strategy
Minky never approaches first. Authority does not chase. Authority waits. If a visitor is deemed acceptable, she may allow proximity — never affection — as a signal of conditional tolerance.
Uno performs what can only be described as the walk-by audit. He passes near the visitor, glances once, and continues on. This glance carries weight. Some visitors feel it and become self-conscious without knowing why.
Sox attempts diplomacy. He is the bridge between worlds. He will sit near visitors, observe their reactions, and occasionally offer a carefully calculated display of charm. This is not affection. This is data gathering.
Stumpy’s role is less visible, but far more important. While the others observe from known positions, Stumpy tracks movement from the shadows. He learns routes. He memorises patterns. He notes which doors open, which close, and who forgets to look down.
Escalation Protocols
If a visitor attempts to interfere with operations — touching equipment, moving items, or disrupting the human — the Department responds in phases.
Phase One:
Silent stares. Long, unblinking, deeply unsettling stares.
Phase Two:
Strategic positioning. Someone sits exactly where the visitor needs to step.
Phase Three:
Psychological warfare. This includes sudden appearances, unexpected stillness, or staring at absolutely nothing behind the visitor.
Only in extreme cases does the Department authorise Phase Four:
The Accidental Trip Hazard.
This phase is never acknowledged publicly.
Consultant Departure
When the visitor eventually leaves, the Department conducts a full debrief. The space is re-claimed. The air is reset. Items are sniffed. Territory is reaffirmed. Normal operations resume within minutes.
Minky returns to her post, satisfied.
Uno resumes wandering, neutrality restored.
Sox relaxes, relieved the world has returned to order.
Stumpy reappears, mission complete.
The Department does not resent visitors. It simply does not trust them.
Because outsiders do not understand the rules.
They do not know the history.
They have not earned the right to the warm spot.
And most importantly, they do not belong to the system.
Closing Note
The Department of Feline Affairs has survived internal reforms, political scandals, productivity reviews, and now external consultants. It remains stable, efficient, and quietly dominant.
All under the illusion that I am the one in charge.
Of course I am in charge…. right?
Coming Up in Part 11…
A dangerous development threatens the balance of power:
New Furniture.
Boxes. Chairs. Unexpected textures.
The Department must adapt… or take control.
